The love of my life

Sayang,

Today is 4th of december 2015 (friday). This means another nine days is your big day with her.

Semakin dekat sayang my heart beats even faster each day. I really hope that we will have the best of nine days in our life. I dont know if i can go through these days without tears and feeling sad.

I really want to be happy, but i do know that you are happy because soon she will be yours forever.

I cant stop but to think how it will be after your wedding...will you still be mine? Will you still love me the way you use to? Can i look at your face without seeing her?

I really dont know... i just hope Allah will give me strenght to move on even it hurts me so much.

I hope you will be happy with her. And you will have a better marriage than when you are with me.

So long my sweetheart the love of my life...

Life must go on

On 5th december 2015 we made a trip to melacca. Our main purpose is to visit chik nong who is not well due to breast cancer.

When we saw her she was overwhelmed to see us. She cried while telling us about her feet and she has no appettite recently.

All of us felt sad and my mind thought about arwah mak and my mother in law. How they gone through what chik nong is going through now.

I hope that i will not trouble anyone especially my husband and my children. I wish that i will die easy like arwah abah.

I dont want to be a burden to anyone. Soon my husband will marry his new wife. I dont know wether he will take care of me when i am sick. He will have a lot on his plate, can he deal with it?

I will take care of myself. I dont want him to get caught in the middle between me and her. Let him be happy with his new wife. I dont want to depend on him anymore.

Life must go on...with or without him by my side.